Reanimated crab claws pilfer mountains of unused snack cakes.

In the dew of this morning eyeless newts squeak their cries to imaginary allies to thwart the crustacean threat. The newt government claims that the Holy Twinkie Pile is theirs by birthright yet the minions of clams, crabs, and prawn politicians flip and flap onto the algae mucked beach to embark upon their protest. It is a perplexing contest. One that the ages will not remember due to its imaginary nature. You see, when a prawn embarks upon a military speech, muddy bubbles flutter out of its nostrils confusing its listeners and amusing its rivals. This enrages a prawn diplomat and fuels its call to war. It is a prawn’s instinct to want to deploy soldiers to battle and they tend to pout a lot. It sometimes turns out to be like a battle scene from Braveheart, except with seafood.

Remember this the next time you decide to get drunk and pass out at the beach.