Head of Skate

Once again, the people at College Humor bring the awesome. Here is a new “movie” trailer for a story about a goofy hockey Mom going to the White House. Awesome…

Click here to watch.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Bruce Springsteen rehearsing for the Dancing in the Dark video.

You could say he is dancing but it looks more like an epileptic fit 80’s style.

So ogurt…

Awesomely ogurt band

Hurra Torpedo. Well, they’re not new (this clip was from ‘95 yet uploaded to the interwebz in ‘05) but they might as well be because I have never seen anything like it so fuck it, they’re new. More importantly, they’re completely off the wall, ogurt lords. They are from Norway (maybe my new favorite country) and they use kitchen appliances as instruments in one of the most ogurt displays of all time.

Keep watching little buddy headbanger with the freezer and the oven player with the plumber’s crack. So ogurt. Too ogurt. Just… perfect.

Reanimated crab claws pilfer mountains of unused snack cakes.

In the dew of this morning eyeless newts squeak their cries to imaginary allies to thwart the crustacean threat. The newt government claims that the Holy Twinkie Pile is theirs by birthright yet the minions of clams, crabs, and prawn politicians flip and flap onto the algae mucked beach to embark upon their protest. It is a perplexing contest. One that the ages will not remember due to its imaginary nature. You see, when a prawn embarks upon a military speech, muddy bubbles flutter out of its nostrils confusing its listeners and amusing its rivals. This enrages a prawn diplomat and fuels its call to war. It is a prawn’s instinct to want to deploy soldiers to battle and they tend to pout a lot. It sometimes turns out to be like a battle scene from Braveheart, except with seafood.

Remember this the next time you decide to get drunk and pass out at the beach.

Gravy Flapper

Walking through the cold morning today I realized I was in a special place. I was trying to balance myself atop a pool of uncooked hot dogs, clinching my feet together squishing the mushy pink meat in between my toes. It rained gravy the night before and my chinchillas had seizures in celebration. They bounced around their wicker cages squeaking and clawing the air. I immediately flipped on my stereo where I had Slipknot queued up to serenade them and send them into further hysterics. I thought to myself, life is awesome and as soon as this realization hit me, the theme song for ABC’s Wide World Of Sports blared out of the television. I didn’t turn the TV on, it clicked on by itself and started showing sports. I knew right then and there some type of God was looking down on me. And I knew this God was made of bacon and not the traditional image of some crusty geezer wearing a toga who likes to fart lightening upon the trailer parks of my brethren.

God is bacon. Life is great. The beer is plentiful. So let’s join together and love stuff.

Smoking and beef jerky

I’m writing this as I puff away on a Parliment cigarette hating the fact that I started smoking again. I swear to the Lord of the Pork Horde I am going to quit again and very soon. I HATE cigarettes. But I love beef jerky. So I am thinking about replacing cigs with shards of dried beef.

I also wanted to address those who may have been offended at my last post. People have vivid sexual thoughts and I know that it may be to my detriment, but feel that it is necessary to explore these vivid dreams and to document them however exaggerated they may be. This IS a blog about ogurt so I am depicting the most ogurt of all situations that can possibly exist. Of course truth is stranger than fiction but my over the top visions are trying to show everyone that normal is boring and ogurt is truth. Laugh people. My thoughts and goofball antics may be “exhausting” for some but understand that by laughing at our possibilities we can better understand the essences and unique intricacies of our being.

Get got gone!