So I am down here in the Satanically hot Florida Keys gettin’ my ogue on. It’s pretty great. Drankin’ plenty of Bud Lights, eatin’ scrimps, conch fritters, Cuban Palomilla steaks, cafe con leches in weather that is more like the heat of a volcano than anything I have ever experienced before. It’s hot! There are not many tourists down here this time of the year so it’s much more laid back than usual. Despite the heat, it’s really nice.
Anyway, for me to get down here I had to take the Greyhound. People warned me before I left that the Greyhound is insane and that I will hate it. It wasn’t bad at all. Sure I had to spend almost 40 hours on a bus but so what. It was only 150 dollars to get down here.
The most ogurt thing I saw was this poor family in Nashville trying to control their three kids. The station was pretty busy and these kids were starting to freak out. One of them was an infant maybe one year old. And at one point this little baby began to cry and her father (who smelled like boiled garbage) grabbed her and tried to calm her down. I suppose he couldn’t afford a pacifier because he was nursing his infant daughter with a fuckin’ Cheeto. I’m not kidding. It was kinda awesome. Break’em in young I suppose. Get that junk food gene percolating before they can spell and you might just raise a genius or a monster whichever comes first (monster). Truth is stranger than fiction and this was all the proof I will ever need that this statement is true. I look over and he is bouncing his daughter on his knee holding a puffy cheeto in her mouth. The kid looked happy sucking on the chemically enhanced cheese like powder crunch tube. It was hilarious, shocking, mesmerizing, and ogurt as hell all in one big swoop. I was trying my best to not stare. It was incredible.
I may ride the Greyhound again just for the people watching.
To the Florida Keys for a few weeks. I used to live there back in the mid 90’s and have visited multiple times since so I am pretty familiar with the whole scene. I hope to get a pair of shrimper boots while I am down there because in the Keys, these boots basically certify that you are an unstoppable ogurt and more likely you are batshit insane. I just want to ogrismo badge. You can keep the insanity.
It should be a nice relaxing time and I should have plenty of ogrosity to report on once I return. Because not only am I going to the Keys but I am taking the Greyhound down there. And THAT should be interesting. I am breaking my Greyhound cherry with this trip and I have a digital camera so I will try my best to document any and all scenes of ogrismo that plops my way. I will post again as soon as I can and hopefully I will get a chance to post from the Keys and inform everyone of the madness and human oddity that is the state of Florida.
Tonight I made an emergency trip to Walgreens for Cheetos and Windex. Yeah, I wanted some Cheetos to go with my chicken and the windex was to spray on my mosquito bites (give it a shot). So I end up watching videos on Youtube of people mashing giant zits for a few hours while I plowed down an entire bag of Cheetos in my crusty wife beater and camo pants. It was like that Old Milwaukee commercial from the 80’s, “It don’t get no better than this!” or whatever the shit those campfire drunks talked about. Hey, I’m awesome. Zit vids, Cheetos, unrestrained slobbery, beer…
A friend of mine just showed me this and well, it’s proof that Kentucky is the epicenter for all things ogurt. The guy in this clip is nothing short of a marvel of science. He should be the next Hollywood super hero. Just wait until he explains how he lost his teeth.
From time to time we here at Ogronitude come across some excellent pictures from around the interwebz. Some you may have seen, some you may have not. But either way it’s ogurt, we’re ogurt, and we want you to know you’re ogurt. Bortz!
Now this is what I call a family reunion. Get it, grandma!
I’m not quite sure what this is.
Halloween ‘08 here I come!
Scream for me Long Beach!!!
Coming to a state fair near you it’s, Fried Squirrel Pie!
